i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
This toilet bowl is my home.
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