the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
