Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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