Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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