which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
