I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
