the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
