It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
