@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just invented taco cereal.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
