she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
