It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
