My hand turned me down
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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