They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
