i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
