Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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