you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
