I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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