I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
