all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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