Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
