So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
