I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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