I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
