Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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