I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i barfeds in our rink
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
