Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
