Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
