i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
