go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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