One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How does one acquire holy water?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
