Pants 0. Shit 1.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
