Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
