Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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