I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
