the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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