I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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