Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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