So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
