I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
