I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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