dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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