you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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