what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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