The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
