i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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