i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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