I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he shaved USA in his pubs
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
