i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
