He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
