it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
...so i touched it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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