It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
