I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have fence marks all over my body
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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