I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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