I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
