Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
