Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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