we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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