Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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