I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
