He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
