I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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