I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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