My first STD was from a foam party
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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