He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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