Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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