ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
