The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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