Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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