I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
