she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
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Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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