im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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