Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
