Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
