You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
