They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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