saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sext me about skeletons
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
