so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
