**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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